THE HANGOVER PART II (1 out of 5 stars)

The sequel to 2009's over-hyped hit THE HANGOVER — which made $277 million domestically, the biggest R-rated comedy of all time — more than doubled its predecessor's budget (to $78 million). Despite that, though, it qualifies as an unmitigated creative disaster.

It's as if the writers, a different group from the original, and this time including director Todd Phillips — simply dropped the first film's plot into Southeast Asia and made a few cursory alterations. The exotic setting of Thailand drowns out the half-assed dialogue and incompetently constructed plotline; the film veers into melodrama and even adopts an existentially bereft tone; and you ultimately leave the theater amazed at the sheer awfulness of what you just witnessed: a hollowed-out shell of a thing resting entirely on its predecessor's laurels.

This time it's nerdy Stu (Ed Helms) who's engaged (instead of Justin Bartha's Doug), to a Thai woman (Jamie Chung), whose gorgeousness makes them a strange-looking pair. The group is once again led by Phil (Bradley Cooper) and undermined by man-child Alan (Zach Galifianakis). Phil talks Stu out of a non-alcoholic "bachelor brunch," and, before you know it, they wake up in a sleazy hotel room in Bangkok, having been unwittingly drugged the night before.

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES (1-1/2 out of 5 stars)

A big budget, big stars and big effects are, as we all know, meaningless if attached to a weak storyline – making PIRATES Numero Quattro in the end a muddled and predictable mess. Meant more as a money machine than a thought-provoking tale – and, as a reminder, this is a set of stories based on an amusement park ride – ON STRANGER TIDES is the first of the series to neither be directed by Gore Verbinski nor feature Orlando Bloom or Keira Knightley. But while veteran producer Jerry Bruckheimer and writers Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio remain on hand for director Rob Marshall’s (CHICAGO, NINE) directorial debut within the franchise, TIDES offers little that’s new to the series. It offers up the same pointless (pun) swordplay and hijinks-laden chases. And it lacks a consistent supernatural presence, which helped make THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (2003) and DEAD MAN’S CHEST (2006) the most entertaining of the four films...

ON STRANGER TIDES suffers from a deeply convoluted plot, like its three predecessors. Someone is impersonating Jack Sparrow (Depp, reprising his Oscar-nommed role, and, at this point, too much of a good thing) to put together a crew to find the Fountain of Youth. Turns out it's his former flame, Angelica (Penélope Cruz, phoning it in). It's foretold that her father Blackbeard (Ian McShane, a wonderful actor but sorely underused here) will soon die, which she wants to prevent. But the group that eventually goes on the quest, which includes the kidnapped Sparrow, must secure a mermaid's tear for the fountain to do its magic – and in this film, mermaids are deadly creatures.

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TRUE LEGEND Review (3-1/2 out of 5 stars)

TRUE LEGEND's groovy, vintage exploitation-style poster recalls the kung fu craze of the 70s, much as this Chinese-Hong Kong film does through its over-the-top fight scenes, sensational storytelling and larger-than-life characters. But director Yuen Woo Ping balances his homage with decidedly modern effects, from impressive CGI to, most notably, his groundbreaking, floating martial arts choreography, with which he’s wowed plenty a moviegoer before in the MATRIX and KILL BILL series and CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON.

In the film, retired Qing dynasty general Su Can (Vincent Zhao, or, as the martial arts leviathan is known in China, Man Cheuk Chiu) lives a humble teacher’s life until his vengeful, monstrously transformed brother Yuan (Andy On), returns from war armed with the deadly "Five Venom Fists." Yuan murders their father, poisons and hurls Su into the rapids and kidnaps his son. Su’s wife Ying (Zhou Xun) jumps in after him and drags the maimed warrior into the mountains to nurse him back to health along with the help of Sister Yu. (Michelle Yeoh, the most recognizable face to American audiences and another martial arts giant.) He disciples for the God of Wushu (Jay Chou), or Chinese martial arts, and an eccentric old sage in the never-before-seen art of Drunken Boxing (!) so that he can one day return to vanquish his nemesis and rescue his son.

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THE BEAVER Review (1 out of 5 stars)

Jodie Foster directs and co-stars with Mel Gibson in the fictional story of Walter Black, the head of an ailing toy company who suffers from depression. That is, until he finds a beaver hand puppet in the dumpster outside his local liquor store and channels a gruff alter ego through the toy…

A tragi-comedy is a delicate balancing act — and THE BEAVER falls off the beam. It almost feels as if Foster attempted to mimic AMERICAN BEAUTY: pensive piano strokes, forlorn teens, a turning point in a garage, an unexpected burst of violence, a melancholy shot of a roller coaster ride. And despite a heavy-hitting cast and producer Steve Golin's wonderful record of offbeat gems BEING JOHN MALKOVITCH and ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND, BEAVER proves a chore to watch.

Walter could have proven a more relatable everyman had he not been a CEO, let alone one who inherits his company: a decidedly unsympathetic role in our 21^st century Gilded Age. And unfortunately Mel Gibson's assault on a former girlfriend and raging prejudice against — well, everybody — undermines his straight man attempts at humor before Walter finally dons the puppet. But Gibson's biggest problem is the script itself: if the actor's seeking to revive his career with a quirky role in a small art house film, this ain't it.

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